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Gang Bang

I want it and it’s all I can think about. For now it’s only a fantasy. I’ve really been into feeling used like a little fuck toy lately and I’m thinking this would be the ultimate feeling of being used and abused. Plus I’ve been watching a lot of double penetration porn lately : ) I’ve been into a lot of pain lately (needles and cutting), but I’m thinking it might be time to start exploring more of the humiliation side of things again. Being used as a fuck toy sounds pretty humiliating AND it could be painful too. Just like with the kink family, I just need to find the right people for it.

I’m happiest when I’m single. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a serious relationship and I love it. It doesn’t make sense….I know. I think what I really need is a family, as in a kink family. It seems perfect. I think the stability of the family will make me feel secure enough to really explore who I am. Plus who doesn’t want to have kinky people around all the time? Now I just have to find one…


I was drifting off when the sharp sting of the razor cutting through my skin brought my focus back. I was acutely aware of my body and the pain being inflicted on it. I absolutely loved it. I now have the word ‘slut’ carved into my skin just above my pussy. I feel labeled and owned like property. I smile every time I see it. Cutting is one thing I never thought I would be interested in, but now that I’ve tried it, I can’t imagine playing without it. : )


Here’s one thing that I’ve known about myself for a while, but I don’t think a lot of Doms know. When something really hurts or when I’m really scared, I laugh. I giggle uncontrollably like a little school girl (not necessarily the sexy school girl though). I don’t know why and I usually can’t control it. I think it’s just a panic coping mechanism. So keep this in mind next time you have a sub/slave/bottom who starts laughing while you’re hitting them. They’re probably not laughing at you so don’t be offended. Of course, I can’t speak for everyone, but a little encouragement at this time really helps me push past the pain.

Amazing Night

Last night was absolutely amazing. I met up with the piercer last night after he got off work. We got to his dungeon and he ordered me to strip. He pushed me up against the wall and I could feel my nipples get hard against the cold concrete. My wrists were chained to the wall and my ankles were restrained with a spreader bar. I felt the sharp bite of the flogger on my back. Soon I could feel the heat radiating off my ass from the abuse inflicted by his hand and the paddle.

After being bent over the sawhorse and fucked, he ordered me to the floor on my back for more. My legs were still cuffed to the spreader bar which he used to hold my legs up and have easy access to my pussy. Then my favorite…doggy style 🙂 Earlier in the night, he showed me a new play toy…a knife. I have no experiences with knives and my heart dropped when I saw it. While I was bent over, he carved the word ‘slut’ into my ass. (Don’t worry, it wasn’t really a cut and it didn’t stay long) It wasn’t long before he came all over me and told me to rub it in and lick it off my hands.

Then there was the swing. Oh, the swing. I guess he thought being suspended in the air by only two straps and two foot holds wasn’t restrained enough so he chained my arms and legs to the chains hanging from the ceiling. I saw him light the candle and I knew what was coming. I always protest and struggle against the restraints when I feel the hot wax on my body, especially on my chest and in between my legs. Being the nice guy that he is, he started rubbing my G-spot and I was so focused on the pleasure and I hardly noticed the hot wax being dripped all over my body. I came twice, of course only after I was granted permission, and then I told him my pussy was done and needed a break. He kept going anyway and I lost all control of my body. I felt completely owned when he told me this was going to be a forced orgasm. I felt another orgasm coming on followed by the urge to squirt. Luckily, he planned ahead and had already put the plastic sheet down. I felt two strong surges of fluid flooding out of me. When it was all over, I saw the puddle on the floor. My muscles were shaky and my knees were weak. 🙂

He wanted to do something to me that would leave a mark until next time. I love having marks for me to look at and remember our time to together. He got out a razor blade and cut a small arrow on my hip. I’m always amazed at how much the cutting hurts even though it’s so small. I mentioned something about it being small and he decided that I needed something else also. He got out two needles and put them through my outer labia. Of course, I enjoy pain, but I was really nervous about this piercing. He was telling me to breathe, but I just couldn’t. I was freaking out. He waited patiently until I calmed down and then there was the sharp sting of the needle piercing the skin. After the needles were removed, I felt a single drop of blood dripping down my pussy. It made all the pain worth it.

By this time, he needed some more attention on his cock. I kneeled in front of him and cleaned my cum off his balls. I sucked his cock until I felt it swell and my mouth filled with his sweet cum.

I lost all track of time while we were playing. When I finally looked at the clock, it was 5am. I can’t think of a better way to spend the night!

New Piercing :)

Since I got my nipples pierced last fall, I’ve been wanting a new piercing. My need to feel the pain of piercing has been especially intense lately because I have not had the opportunity to be submissive in months. I have been craving it. Just a few nights ago, I had a dream about being caned so hard that my skin was broken. I have always derived sexual pleasure from pain, but now I want to test my limits and experience more. I want to hurt so badly I lose control and can do nothing but simply endure the pain.

A few days ago, I started talking to a professional piercer with kinky interests. I told him about my interest in piercing and my need for pain. After a few emails, I showed up at his work and got a 10 gauge vertical hood piercing. After the piercing, my juices were dripping down my pussy and onto the table. I’m glad he already knew I was turned on by pain or I would have been pretty embarrassed!

It truly was a fantasy for me. Hopefully he can fulfill my need for extreme pain 🙂

Stories of squirting

A few months ago I posted about my frustrations with not being able to squirt. Oddly enough, if you Google squirting, you find convenient how-to instructions. I read them…and then of course tried them. Still nothing. Even though I read that every women has the capability to squirt, I thought I was just a mutant.

Well…recently I was playing by myself (which I’ve been doing a lot lately since I’ve been Dom-less for months) and BAM! When I finally put down my vibrator and my body stopped shaking from the orgasm, I noticed that my sheets were soaked. I had no idea it was coming, but I finally discovered the secret and it was wonderful!. Even though I haven’t had the chance yet to show anyone else my new squirting fun, I’m sure enjoying it!

Instead of being 20-something years old, I felt like a little kid still discovering the capabilities of my body. This leads me to a funny story from my childhood that I probably shouldn’t share since it’s horribly embarrassing. Somehow I’m ok with sharing embarrassing pieces of information to people who don’t know me 🙂

I was about five or six years old. I have no idea what I was doing in the bathtub, but somehow I discovered there was another hole between where I peed and where I pooped. I was so excited that I had found my vagina that I ran downstairs (still naked if I remember correctly) and told my mom what I had discovered. I remember her laughing hysterically.

End of embarrassing story and I promise no more childhood stories in my sex blog…it’s just weird. I hope some of you got a laugh out of it. 🙂

Piercings-part 2

As I write this, I’m sitting on the couch with ice on my nipples. That’s right. I did my homework, found an excellent piercer, mustered up the courage to get them pierced. As you might know from my previous posting, I had been considering getting my nipples pierced for quite a while. I was scared to go alone, but I felt like my friends are too conservative to be understanding of this type of piercing. (Yes, that means I’m still in the closet about my submissive fetishes) I finally made the decision to be a big girl and go alone.

Even the piercing itself was not nearly as painful as I expected. I would rate it about a 4/10 on a pain scale. The pain was quick and even though it wasn’t really a sexual experience, I think being a bit of a pain slut helped me out a little. The pain now, almost 24 hours after the experience, is minimal. My nipples are pretty sensitive, but I wouldn’t really call it pain. It’s a feeling similar to the moments right after intense nipple clamps are removed. I just hope the rest of the healing process remains easy and uneventful!


I’ve wanted to get my nipples pierced for the past few years. I always chicken out though. I’m really going to do it this time! I’m planning on sometime this week! The issue that’s keeping me from doing it right now, or at least my current excuse, is that I don’t want to go by myself. I’m pretty sure most of my friends wouldn’t understand so that’s why I can’t just bring them. Any encouraging advice?

I started this blog as a way to share my experiences and get advice from other kinky people. You know how girls are…we always need someone to talk to about our relationship when things are going badly, and really, even when things are going well. With my kinky relationships, I don’t have anyone to talk to since my friends don’t know my submissive side. This blog has also given me a place to spill my secrets that I’m too shy to share with anyone face to face. I feel like I can write absolutely anything here without judgment.

When I told D about this blog months ago, he wanted to read it. I didn’t know what to do. If someone I knew was reading the blog, I was afraid I would feel the need to censor it. I was afraid it would no longer be a place for me to vent my feelings. My final decision was to wait to share it with him until he moved and we were no longer regular play partners.

Well now I have another Dom in my life (I’ll tell you about him later) and I’ve been torn between sharing it with him or not. Last night I mentioned it and then of course he wanted to read it. So now I’m in the same boat as before. Pro to sharing my blog…reading this blog is probably the best way to get a sense of what I’m looking for in a Dom and what kind of sub I am. Con…what if this Dom is the source of my stress? I won’t be able to blog about it here because now I know he reads it. If I can’t blog about it, then I don’t have anyone to talk to and I’ll explode. I’m in quite a pickle. I still plan on venting my feelings, both good and bad, about recent experiences here. He just might not enjoy reading them sometimes. 🙂