I think it’s important to discuss submission and dominance since it is a large part of the lifestyle for me. Aspects of my personality are submissive all the time, even in my every day life. I am easy going and I typically avoid confrontation whenever possible, however, I am an independent woman and I know what I want. The submissive personality of a sub should never be confused with weakness.  I’ve read blogs of other subs who enjoy submitting to Dominant men during play, but the sub actually “wears the pants” in the every day function of their relationship. The dynamics of a relationship always vary and I think it’s interesting to see the large range of submission and dominance experienced by different subs.

I’ve found my submission varies depending on the situation and the Dom’s actions. The first two Doms I was with were not very dominant, so I wasn’t very submissive. I found ways to manipulate each one and I absolutely hated feeling like I was in control. My current Dom is a little different though. I haven’t found a way to manipulate him, which results in me being more submissive. Even when I wiggle around and cry about the pain, he encourages me to suffer for him before letting up. It’s pretty much wonderful.

There are certainly some days when submission does not come as easily. Long days at work or a stressful week of classes leaves me irritable and not in the mood to allow someone to control me. I try not to let my outside life affect playing, but it can be difficult to separate the two. Even when things seem to be going perfectly, sometimes I struggle with being as submissive as I would like. I’ve always fantasized of a relationship in which I could give a Dom complete and total control over my entire life. Just to try out my fantasy, I recently found a Dom (through a common BDSM personals site) who was into 24/7 total power exchange. We talked nearly every day for quite a few weeks, but it just didn’t work out. On my part, there was too much resistance to his control because I didn’t know him well enough to fully trust him. Unfortunately, I have some issues with trust and it often seems to get in the way of my submission. Especially with total power exchange, I wonder how a sub can be completely submissive without losing sight of herself as a person? Someday, with the right Dom, I would love to try it again.

I recently read an article written by an experience Dom who explained a woman’s submission to him as a gift. I hope every Dom truly appreciates his or her sub’s submission.