I’m starting to realize the difference between my fantasies and my real limits. One thing I often fantasize about is forced scenes. Of course, I’m only looking for real-feeling forced scenes. If it was an actual forced action, then it isn’t safe or fun and does not have any place in a BDSM relationship. For example, I dream about forced deep throating, or more like face fucking I suppose. D seems to really like it and I love the idea of it, but when it comes to actually doing it, I just can’t. I enjoy feeling the loss of control…well to a point. I think it’s really hot to imagine having my wrists tied behind my back and a large cock shoved deep into my mouth. Then reality hits. I have absolutely no control and I feel like I can’t breathe and I panic! I have a feeling that this type of situation will cause me to use my safeword someday. Luckily, my current play partner is very understanding of my fears and he will push them a little, but he knows when to back off when I absolutely can’t take anymore. I suppose with more experience, I will be able to progress further through my fears. Or at least for this particular situation.

Another situation/role play type scene I fantasize about is consensual nonconsensual play. (Some call this rape play, but I find that title to be a little scary.) I’ve dreamed about this scene as long as I can remember. At first I thought there must really be something wrong with me to fantasize about this. Then I read an article that reports up to 50% of women enjoy this type of fantasy. While I find this fantasy horribly exciting, I can’t quite figure out how it would play out if I wanted it to. If I was ever in a situation like that and I knew it was my Dom, then I would feel too safe and not frightened at all.  Then on the opposite side of things, if I felt it was a stranger, then I would be so terrified that I wouldn’t enjoy the scene at all. So I’m left wondering…how can I fulfill my fantasies without crossing the line into scary territory?

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