Category: Submission


Subspace?

I had the opportunity to meet with my play partner tonight. I suppose we could give him a name. We’ll call him D. Anyway about tonight…OMG 🙂 I’ve never been disappointed after an evening with him, but I can’t even compare tonight to our other play dates! Let me start from the beginning…

The evening started off casual with a little ‘how was your day’ chat. It then progressed to him pushing me down to my knees to suck his cock. Before I knew it, I was stripped of my clothing, blindfolded, and an anal plug was inserted. After pleasing him, he cuffed by wrists and tied my arms to an over the door restraint and my ankles were secured to a spreader bar. I was reasonably restrained in this position and even great efforts provided only slight escape from his strikes. There was some barehanded spanking, flogging, caning (my favorite!), and then through the bottom of my blindfold, I could see the edge of the dragon’s tail. My heart dropped. I absolutely dread the intense sting of the dragon’s tail. Like a good sub, I enjoy suffering through the pain because I know it brings D pleasure. At this point, I was also gagged so my moans and pleas for mercy were quite muffled and seemed to go unnoticed. I did my best to take the painful strikes. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly take any more, it was all over. D is quite perceptive when it comes to approaching my physical limits. I can’t count the number of times I almost needed my safe word, but then didn’t. It seems he has perfected the skill of filtering out my whiny moans and cries from my true signs of distress.

I’ve drifted off topic a little, so back to what I really wanted to talk about. We discovered a while ago that my favorite toy is the Hitachi magic wand. D is kind enough to incorporate it into our play regularly. Well tonight, we used it a little differently. D ordered me to kneel on the bed with my legs spread enough for the insertion of an attachment which turns the magic wand into a vibrating dildo. I was blindfolded and kneeling over my favorite toy when he placed clamps tightly on my nipples. I think the flogging on my back and ass was first. It seemed harder than usual, but I barely noticed given the distraction of the magic wand. Then the caning started. It was intense up and down my back and all over my ass. The sensations of my favorite toy seemed to override the intense pain. I hardly even squirmed (which is my usual response to harsh strikes). I asked for permission to cum three separate times, but I’m fairly sure I was orgasming (is that a word? spell check doesn’t like it) the entire time. These strikes were some of the hardest and most severe hits I’ve taken in a long time, maybe even ever. The entire time seemed like a state of euphoria. As you know from my other post, I consider myself to be a bit of a painslut but tonight was better than anything I’ve ever imagined. Typically, I prefer hits to my backside instead of my front. After spending time on my back, I heard D walk around the bed so the he was standing in front of me. He touched my breasts and I pieced together that he wanted to cane my breasts. This type of realization usually gets quite the reaction out of me as I wiggle around in an attempt to avoid the pain. This time I was much more submissive as a result of the most wonderful mix of pain and pleasure. I simply moved my arms out of the way so he could do whatever he desired. I didn’t even realize how intense our play was until D told me to turn off the magic wand and lie face down on the bed. As I followed his command, I heard him leave the room. He returned with ice for the quickly growing welts on my backside. Even as I write this two hours after the end of our play session, I still can’t believe how much I enjoyed tonight!

I believe in that moment I would have done absolutely anything D desired. Does this level of submission count as subspace? I’ve never experienced subspace and quite honestly, I wasn’t sure it was possible for me. Maybe I’m in for some new experiences!

This post ended up being a little longer than I intended, even after I left out some pretty important aspects of our play tonight. Sorry! And I hope you can feel the excitement and happiness flowing out of me!

Submission

I think it’s important to discuss submission and dominance since it is a large part of the lifestyle for me. Aspects of my personality are submissive all the time, even in my every day life. I am easy going and I typically avoid confrontation whenever possible, however, I am an independent woman and I know what I want. The submissive personality of a sub should never be confused with weakness.  I’ve read blogs of other subs who enjoy submitting to Dominant men during play, but the sub actually “wears the pants” in the every day function of their relationship. The dynamics of a relationship always vary and I think it’s interesting to see the large range of submission and dominance experienced by different subs.

I’ve found my submission varies depending on the situation and the Dom’s actions. The first two Doms I was with were not very dominant, so I wasn’t very submissive. I found ways to manipulate each one and I absolutely hated feeling like I was in control. My current Dom is a little different though. I haven’t found a way to manipulate him, which results in me being more submissive. Even when I wiggle around and cry about the pain, he encourages me to suffer for him before letting up. It’s pretty much wonderful.

There are certainly some days when submission does not come as easily. Long days at work or a stressful week of classes leaves me irritable and not in the mood to allow someone to control me. I try not to let my outside life affect playing, but it can be difficult to separate the two. Even when things seem to be going perfectly, sometimes I struggle with being as submissive as I would like. I’ve always fantasized of a relationship in which I could give a Dom complete and total control over my entire life. Just to try out my fantasy, I recently found a Dom (through a common BDSM personals site) who was into 24/7 total power exchange. We talked nearly every day for quite a few weeks, but it just didn’t work out. On my part, there was too much resistance to his control because I didn’t know him well enough to fully trust him. Unfortunately, I have some issues with trust and it often seems to get in the way of my submission. Especially with total power exchange, I wonder how a sub can be completely submissive without losing sight of herself as a person? Someday, with the right Dom, I would love to try it again.

I recently read an article written by an experience Dom who explained a woman’s submission to him as a gift. I hope every Dom truly appreciates his or her sub’s submission.