Category: Uncategorized

Gang Bang

I want it and it’s all I can think about. For now it’s only a fantasy. I’ve really been into feeling used like a little fuck toy lately and I’m thinking this would be the ultimate feeling of being used and abused. Plus I’ve been watching a lot of double penetration porn lately : ) I’ve been into a lot of pain lately (needles and cutting), but I’m thinking it might be time to start exploring more of the humiliation side of things again. Being used as a fuck toy sounds pretty humiliating AND it could be painful too. Just like with the kink family, I just need to find the right people for it.

I’m happiest when I’m single. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a serious relationship and I love it. It doesn’t make sense….I know. I think what I really need is a family, as in a kink family. It seems perfect. I think the stability of the family will make me feel secure enough to really explore who I am. Plus who doesn’t want to have kinky people around all the time? Now I just have to find one…


I was drifting off when the sharp sting of the razor cutting through my skin brought my focus back. I was acutely aware of my body and the pain being inflicted on it. I absolutely loved it. I now have the word ‘slut’ carved into my skin just above my pussy. I feel labeled and owned like property. I smile every time I see it. Cutting is one thing I never thought I would be interested in, but now that I’ve tried it, I can’t imagine playing without it. : )


Here’s one thing that I’ve known about myself for a while, but I don’t think a lot of Doms know. When something really hurts or when I’m really scared, I laugh. I giggle uncontrollably like a little school girl (not necessarily the sexy school girl though). I don’t know why and I usually can’t control it. I think it’s just a panic coping mechanism. So keep this in mind next time you have a sub/slave/bottom who starts laughing while you’re hitting them. They’re probably not laughing at you so don’t be offended. Of course, I can’t speak for everyone, but a little encouragement at this time really helps me push past the pain.

New Piercing :)

Since I got my nipples pierced last fall, I’ve been wanting a new piercing. My need to feel the pain of piercing has been especially intense lately because I have not had the opportunity to be submissive in months. I have been craving it. Just a few nights ago, I had a dream about being caned so hard that my skin was broken. I have always derived sexual pleasure from pain, but now I want to test my limits and experience more. I want to hurt so badly I lose control and can do nothing but simply endure the pain.

A few days ago, I started talking to a professional piercer with kinky interests. I told him about my interest in piercing and my need for pain. After a few emails, I showed up at his work and got a 10 gauge vertical hood piercing. After the piercing, my juices were dripping down my pussy and onto the table. I’m glad he already knew I was turned on by pain or I would have been pretty embarrassed!

It truly was a fantasy for me. Hopefully he can fulfill my need for extreme pain 🙂

Stories of squirting

A few months ago I posted about my frustrations with not being able to squirt. Oddly enough, if you Google squirting, you find convenient how-to instructions. I read them…and then of course tried them. Still nothing. Even though I read that every women has the capability to squirt, I thought I was just a mutant.

Well…recently I was playing by myself (which I’ve been doing a lot lately since I’ve been Dom-less for months) and BAM! When I finally put down my vibrator and my body stopped shaking from the orgasm, I noticed that my sheets were soaked. I had no idea it was coming, but I finally discovered the secret and it was wonderful!. Even though I haven’t had the chance yet to show anyone else my new squirting fun, I’m sure enjoying it!

Instead of being 20-something years old, I felt like a little kid still discovering the capabilities of my body. This leads me to a funny story from my childhood that I probably shouldn’t share since it’s horribly embarrassing. Somehow I’m ok with sharing embarrassing pieces of information to people who don’t know me 🙂

I was about five or six years old. I have no idea what I was doing in the bathtub, but somehow I discovered there was another hole between where I peed and where I pooped. I was so excited that I had found my vagina that I ran downstairs (still naked if I remember correctly) and told my mom what I had discovered. I remember her laughing hysterically.

End of embarrassing story and I promise no more childhood stories in my sex blog…it’s just weird. I hope some of you got a laugh out of it. 🙂

I started this blog as a way to share my experiences and get advice from other kinky people. You know how girls are…we always need someone to talk to about our relationship when things are going badly, and really, even when things are going well. With my kinky relationships, I don’t have anyone to talk to since my friends don’t know my submissive side. This blog has also given me a place to spill my secrets that I’m too shy to share with anyone face to face. I feel like I can write absolutely anything here without judgment.

When I told D about this blog months ago, he wanted to read it. I didn’t know what to do. If someone I knew was reading the blog, I was afraid I would feel the need to censor it. I was afraid it would no longer be a place for me to vent my feelings. My final decision was to wait to share it with him until he moved and we were no longer regular play partners.

Well now I have another Dom in my life (I’ll tell you about him later) and I’ve been torn between sharing it with him or not. Last night I mentioned it and then of course he wanted to read it. So now I’m in the same boat as before. Pro to sharing my blog…reading this blog is probably the best way to get a sense of what I’m looking for in a Dom and what kind of sub I am. Con…what if this Dom is the source of my stress? I won’t be able to blog about it here because now I know he reads it. If I can’t blog about it, then I don’t have anyone to talk to and I’ll explode. I’m in quite a pickle. I still plan on venting my feelings, both good and bad, about recent experiences here. He just might not enjoy reading them sometimes. 🙂

Much Needed Update!

I apologize for being absolutely awful at keeping up with this blog. There are actually a few reasons for this…1-D moved away, 2-my kinky life (and sex life in general) has dropped off the face of the planet, 3-I’m horribly confused, and 4-classes suck the life out of me.

I’ve been talking to a few Doms lately. This is pretty uncharacteristic of me to talk to more than one, but I’m just trying to keep my options open and figure out where to go next. There hasn’t been anything physical with any of them and some I haven’t even met yet. It just seems like each Dom can offer something different which makes it difficult to make a decision. So this means, I’m just in no-man’s-land, hanging out, waiting for something to happen.

Let’s start at the beginning…when D (remember him? my old play partner) moved away a few months ago, I started talking to Dom #1 who lives a few hours away. I hated the idea of getting involved with someone so far away, but he has a lot of experience and seemed to be a good fit for me. To make a long story short, we started talking at the beginning of August and due to poor planning and overbooked schedules, we still haven’t met.

Dom #2…I met shortly after Dom #1. He too lives a couple hours away. The good news about Dom #2 is that he lives close to my parents so he is much easier to visit than Dom #1. The bad news is that he is older (almost 14 years) and he is looking to get seriously involved much faster than I can handle right now. Let’s just say about three weeks after I met him, he used a horrifying four letter word with me (LOVE). After I got done crapping my pants, I explained to him that I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. After all, I hardly know him.

Then there’s Dom #3. Don’t worry, this is the last one. I wasn’t looking for anyone else since I could hardly keep up with #1 and #2, but this guy just fell into my lap. We emailed a few times and seemed to have similar interests, so I met him. He was terrifyingly Dominant. My previous encounters with dominant men were mostly for play and we were pretty equal the rest of the time. But this guy…I felt submissive to him the moment I met him. Honestly, it freaked me out at the time because I’ve never felt so controlled by someone I hardly knew. I felt so vulnerable, I planned on never seeing him again, but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it.

Well there you have it…a summary of my life’s events for the last two months. I promise to be better about updating the blog and I’ll share all the juicy details about Doms 1, 2, and 3. Any and all input about which one to choose would be very much appreciated!

Anal Hook

Besides the threesome, I had another first this week: playing with the anal hook. I’ve known since D and I started playing that this toy was in his bag of goodies, but he never used it.

I found myself with my breasts tightly bound and my wrists secured behind my head. D then ordered me to bend forward over the edge of the bed. He pressed the lubed anal hook into my ass. To be honest, it didn’t really feel like much since it’s much smaller than the anal toys we usually use. Then he tied the anal hook to the rope wrapped around my breasts and my wrists and began flogging my back. I get a little squirmy when I’m being flogged and each time I moved I could feel the hook pulling on my ass. It was a great way to add a little extra stimulation to our usual play!


I apologize for the extended amount of time between posts. My play partner has been out of town, so I felt like I didn’t have much to write about. He’s finally back, but unfortunately, he’s packing up his things and moving away : ( As of this Friday, I will no longer have a play partner. We’ve been squeezing time out of each day to play until he moves. This crappy cloud does have a silver lining though…

Here’s a short summary in case you don’t know the situation… my play partner is in a long distance, open relationship. He has me to play with here, and she also has a play partner where she lives. A few weeks ago, I met her (we’ll call her E) for the first time. We had dinner, but couldn’t play due to poor monthly timing on my part. Well she’s here again helping him pack up his apartment. I met up with them last night for a few hours of playing.

It started off normally with me being blindfolded and stripped of my clothing almost immediately after walking in the front door. D (my play partner) led me into the bedroom by tugging on my nipples. Once in the bedroom, my wrists were tied behind my back and I was bent over the bed with my legs spread. This position left my ass open and vulnerable for the insertion of an anal plug. D began with spanking, then onto flogging and paddling. Then out came my favorite impact toy: the cane. This type of scene is pretty typical for us, but this time I wasn’t as relaxed as usual. Even though I was blindfolded, I was acutely aware of the other woman in the room watching me. She’s a kind and non-judgmental person, but somehow I felt more vulnerable knowing I was being exposed to her. At first, it was almost overwhelming, but I soon realized that the idea of being watched was making me really wet. I’m starting to understand why people enjoy performing in group settings.

For this first part, she just watched as I was tied up and caned, flogged, and spanked. My blindfold was then removed and I watched as he gagged her with his cock. This is one thing I really can’t handle doing, so when we talked about playing together, I specifically requested to watch this part. I thought maybe by watching I could pick up some tips, but no…it’s still something I have trouble doing. I did enjoy watching though!

Fast forward through the night a little bit…I was on my hands and knees with the plug still in my ass and D started thrusting into me. Then E joined in and spread her legs right in my face. I’ve never had any kind of experience with another girl so I wasn’t really sure what to do. I just did to her what I would want someone to do to me and let’s just say we both enjoyed ourselves : ) I guess this makes me officially bicurious??

I’m meeting up with them again tonight, so we’ll see how it goes!