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Much Needed Update!

I apologize for being absolutely awful at keeping up with this blog. There are actually a few reasons for this…1-D moved away, 2-my kinky life (and sex life in general) has dropped off the face of the planet, 3-I’m horribly confused, and 4-classes suck the life out of me.

I’ve been talking to a few Doms lately. This is pretty uncharacteristic of me to talk to more than one, but I’m just trying to keep my options open and figure out where to go next. There hasn’t been anything physical with any of them and some I haven’t even met yet. It just seems like each Dom can offer something different which makes it difficult to make a decision. So this means, I’m just in no-man’s-land, hanging out, waiting for something to happen.

Let’s start at the beginning…when D (remember him? my old play partner) moved away a few months ago, I started talking to Dom #1 who lives a few hours away. I hated the idea of getting involved with someone so far away, but he has a lot of experience and seemed to be a good fit for me. To make a long story short, we started talking at the beginning of August and due to poor planning and overbooked schedules, we still haven’t met.

Dom #2…I met shortly after Dom #1. He too lives a couple hours away. The good news about Dom #2 is that he lives close to my parents so he is much easier to visit than Dom #1. The bad news is that he is older (almost 14 years) and he is looking to get seriously involved much faster than I can handle right now. Let’s just say about three weeks after I met him, he used a horrifying four letter word with me (LOVE). After I got done crapping my pants, I explained to him that I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. After all, I hardly know him.

Then there’s Dom #3. Don’t worry, this is the last one. I wasn’t looking for anyone else since I could hardly keep up with #1 and #2, but this guy just fell into my lap. We emailed a few times and seemed to have similar interests, so I met him. He was terrifyingly Dominant. My previous encounters with dominant men were mostly for play and we were pretty equal the rest of the time. But this guy…I felt submissive to him the moment I met him. Honestly, it freaked me out at the time because I’ve never felt so controlled by someone I hardly knew. I felt so vulnerable, I planned on never seeing him again, but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it.

Well there you have it…a summary of my life’s events for the last two months. I promise to be better about updating the blog and I’ll share all the juicy details about Doms 1, 2, and 3. Any and all input about which one to choose would be very much appreciated!

Anal Hook

Besides the threesome, I had another first this week: playing with the anal hook. I’ve known since D and I started playing that this toy was in his bag of goodies, but he never used it.

I found myself with my breasts tightly bound and my wrists secured behind my head. D then ordered me to bend forward over the edge of the bed. He pressed the lubed anal hook into my ass. To be honest, it didn’t really feel like much since it’s much smaller than the anal toys we usually use. Then he tied the anal hook to the rope wrapped around my breasts and my wrists and began flogging my back. I get a little squirmy when I’m being flogged and each time I moved I could feel the hook pulling on my ass. It was a great way to add a little extra stimulation to our usual play!


I apologize for the extended amount of time between posts. My play partner has been out of town, so I felt like I didn’t have much to write about. He’s finally back, but unfortunately, he’s packing up his things and moving away : ( As of this Friday, I will no longer have a play partner. We’ve been squeezing time out of each day to play until he moves. This crappy cloud does have a silver lining though…

Here’s a short summary in case you don’t know the situation… my play partner is in a long distance, open relationship. He has me to play with here, and she also has a play partner where she lives. A few weeks ago, I met her (we’ll call her E) for the first time. We had dinner, but couldn’t play due to poor monthly timing on my part. Well she’s here again helping him pack up his apartment. I met up with them last night for a few hours of playing.

It started off normally with me being blindfolded and stripped of my clothing almost immediately after walking in the front door. D (my play partner) led me into the bedroom by tugging on my nipples. Once in the bedroom, my wrists were tied behind my back and I was bent over the bed with my legs spread. This position left my ass open and vulnerable for the insertion of an anal plug. D began with spanking, then onto flogging and paddling. Then out came my favorite impact toy: the cane. This type of scene is pretty typical for us, but this time I wasn’t as relaxed as usual. Even though I was blindfolded, I was acutely aware of the other woman in the room watching me. She’s a kind and non-judgmental person, but somehow I felt more vulnerable knowing I was being exposed to her. At first, it was almost overwhelming, but I soon realized that the idea of being watched was making me really wet. I’m starting to understand why people enjoy performing in group settings.

For this first part, she just watched as I was tied up and caned, flogged, and spanked. My blindfold was then removed and I watched as he gagged her with his cock. This is one thing I really can’t handle doing, so when we talked about playing together, I specifically requested to watch this part. I thought maybe by watching I could pick up some tips, but no…it’s still something I have trouble doing. I did enjoy watching though!

Fast forward through the night a little bit…I was on my hands and knees with the plug still in my ass and D started thrusting into me. Then E joined in and spread her legs right in my face. I’ve never had any kind of experience with another girl so I wasn’t really sure what to do. I just did to her what I would want someone to do to me and let’s just say we both enjoyed ourselves : ) I guess this makes me officially bicurious??

I’m meeting up with them again tonight, so we’ll see how it goes!

Orgasms and Trust

I wanted to bring up this topic to see if it happens to any other women (regardless of power orientation). While playing with D (my play partner) a few weeks ago, the oddest thing happened to me. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the first time it happened.

D had my arms restrained behind my back and he ordered me to the floor. He had me kneeling so that the Hitachi magic wand was lying on the floor and vibrating strongly against my clit. He was standing behind me and intensely flogging and caning my backside. After a few minutes, he walked around me to face my front where he could flog, cane, and slap my breasts. It didn’t take long before I was on the brink of an overwhelming orgasm. After asking permission, I had one of the most powerful orgasms I can remember. It was absolutely wonderful! Until a few minutes later…after my body relaxed I was left feeling a little more lightheaded than usual. It passed quickly before I could even tell him about it, but this experience left me feeling more vulnerable than I ever had before during BDSM play. It really hit me how bondage makes me completely dependent. I feel that this experience has also helped strengthen my trust in my play partner. Even though he laughs sadistically when I cry from the pain inflicted by his cane, I know I can trust him and somewhere in there, there’s a kind and caring person : )


I’m looking for advice on female ejaculation, AKA squirting. I’ve read different responses from difference sources. Some say every woman has the ability to ejaculate, while others say some women simply cannot. I’ve only squirted twice, and both times were accidents, as if I didn’t know what was happening until after it happened. I’ll try to explain the reasoning behind my recent interest in squirting.

As I’ve said before, I’ve always been more attracted to the physical side of BDSM, rather than the emotional side of it. Recently that has been changing a little for me. I’ve never been interested in humiliation play because I find its effects to be too extreme for me. I’m easily embarrassed and humiliated, especially during play when I feel quite vulnerable. I’ve discovered that the reason I love gags is because some prevent swallowing and I’m so turned on by the embarrassment of drooling. Trust doesn’t come easy for me and I’m a very private person, so I fantasize about acts that give me no choice by to reveal all of me to my partner and result in me trusting him completely. I’ve gotten a little off topic…my real question is does anyone have any experience with good G-spot toys that aid in this process?

I’m starting to realize the difference between my fantasies and my real limits. One thing I often fantasize about is forced scenes. Of course, I’m only looking for real-feeling forced scenes. If it was an actual forced action, then it isn’t safe or fun and does not have any place in a BDSM relationship. For example, I dream about forced deep throating, or more like face fucking I suppose. D seems to really like it and I love the idea of it, but when it comes to actually doing it, I just can’t. I enjoy feeling the loss of control…well to a point. I think it’s really hot to imagine having my wrists tied behind my back and a large cock shoved deep into my mouth. Then reality hits. I have absolutely no control and I feel like I can’t breathe and I panic! I have a feeling that this type of situation will cause me to use my safeword someday. Luckily, my current play partner is very understanding of my fears and he will push them a little, but he knows when to back off when I absolutely can’t take anymore. I suppose with more experience, I will be able to progress further through my fears. Or at least for this particular situation.

Another situation/role play type scene I fantasize about is consensual nonconsensual play. (Some call this rape play, but I find that title to be a little scary.) I’ve dreamed about this scene as long as I can remember. At first I thought there must really be something wrong with me to fantasize about this. Then I read an article that reports up to 50% of women enjoy this type of fantasy. While I find this fantasy horribly exciting, I can’t quite figure out how it would play out if I wanted it to. If I was ever in a situation like that and I knew it was my Dom, then I would feel too safe and not frightened at all.  Then on the opposite side of things, if I felt it was a stranger, then I would be so terrified that I wouldn’t enjoy the scene at all. So I’m left wondering…how can I fulfill my fantasies without crossing the line into scary territory?

Anal Plugs

I discovered a new favorite last night. After I was stripped of my clothing, I was bent over the bed and a lubed plug was pushed into my ass. It felt different than the plug we usually use, but I couldn’t figure out how. I simply love the feeling of this plug. It was heavy, almost uncomfortably heavy. Despite the discomfort, I had no problem keeping it in for hours while we played. Other plugs with a wider neck and difficult for me to keep in, especially during intense impact play and close to orgasm. This toy has quickly become my favorite anal toy : )

We were sitting in the living room when he blindfolded me and undressed me before leading me to the bedroom by tugging on my nipples. My favorite plug, which is a heavy stainless steel plug, was lubed and ruthlessly pushed into my ass. He then tied my wrists and feet so that I was restrained against the door with my backside exposed for his pleasure. There were bouts of barehanded spanking, paddling, flogging, and caning before moving onto the dragon’s tail. He absolutely loves this toy for the wonderfully attractive welts it creates. Unfortunately, I don’t love it. The sting is intense and there’s very little warning before you feel the pain. Once he started with this toy, I could hardly contain myself. I’m usually pretty quiet (I’m definitely not a screamer) during play, but the dragon’s tail makes me lose it every time. I’ve only cried a few times during play and it’s only been a few tears. He continued the strikes with the dragon’s tail until I had tears flowing from the bottom of my blindfold. The more I squirmed and sobbed, the more he seemed to enjoy it. Then, as suddenly as it started, the strikes stopped. I was then quickly rewarded for my suffering with an orgasm from my favorite toy, the Hitachi magic wand. And then came one of my favorite elements of play…aftercare 🙂 He removed my restraints while caressing the tender areas of my backside and softly kissing my cheek and forehead. I fully believe that I can withstand any type of pain if I know my Dom will provide me with appropriate aftercare.

More Marks

After my shower this morning, I happened to catch a view of my backside in the mirror. I’m accustomed to having some bruises or marks for a few days after play, but I was pretty surprised this time. More than two days after playing, I still have multiple red cane stripes : )

Is it odd to enjoy wearing marks so much?

As I mentioned before, my play partner is in a poly, long distance relationship. Well I’m going to meet his girlfriend for the first time on Monday and there has been talk about the three of us playing together. She has a lot more experience than I do so I’m looking forward to some good learning opportunities. I’m also a little anxious about it. I’ve never played with another woman before. We will not be trying to dominate each other, we will simply both be serving the Dom. From what I’ve heard, she has a strap on and has expressed some interest in using it on it on me. She also has an interest in fisting, but she cannot take a man’s larger hand yet. So yeah, you guessed it…I got volunteered for the job. It will be an awesome experience, but I know I won’t be as relaxed as I usually am during play. Hopefully my bruises from the caning two days ago will be healed by Monday 🙂

Does anyone have any experiences about serving with another sub?