Tag Archive: Dominant

Much Needed Update!

I apologize for being absolutely awful at keeping up with this blog. There are actually a few reasons for this…1-D moved away, 2-my kinky life (and sex life in general) has dropped off the face of the planet, 3-I’m horribly confused, and 4-classes suck the life out of me.

I’ve been talking to a few Doms lately. This is pretty uncharacteristic of me to talk to more than one, but I’m just trying to keep my options open and figure out where to go next. There hasn’t been anything physical with any of them and some I haven’t even met yet. It just seems like each Dom can offer something different which makes it difficult to make a decision. So this means, I’m just in no-man’s-land, hanging out, waiting for something to happen.

Let’s start at the beginning…when D (remember him? my old play partner) moved away a few months ago, I started talking to Dom #1 who lives a few hours away. I hated the idea of getting involved with someone so far away, but he has a lot of experience and seemed to be a good fit for me. To make a long story short, we started talking at the beginning of August and due to poor planning and overbooked schedules, we still haven’t met.

Dom #2…I met shortly after Dom #1. He too lives a couple hours away. The good news about Dom #2 is that he lives close to my parents so he is much easier to visit than Dom #1. The bad news is that he is older (almost 14 years) and he is looking to get seriously involved much faster than I can handle right now. Let’s just say about three weeks after I met him, he used a horrifying four letter word with me (LOVE). After I got done crapping my pants, I explained to him that I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. After all, I hardly know him.

Then there’s Dom #3. Don’t worry, this is the last one. I wasn’t looking for anyone else since I could hardly keep up with #1 and #2, but this guy just fell into my lap. We emailed a few times and seemed to have similar interests, so I met him. He was terrifyingly Dominant. My previous encounters with dominant men were mostly for play and we were pretty equal the rest of the time. But this guy…I felt submissive to him the moment I met him. Honestly, it freaked me out at the time because I’ve never felt so controlled by someone I hardly knew. I felt so vulnerable, I planned on never seeing him again, but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it.

Well there you have it…a summary of my life’s events for the last two months. I promise to be better about updating the blog and I’ll share all the juicy details about Doms 1, 2, and 3. Any and all input about which one to choose would be very much appreciated!

We were sitting in the living room when he blindfolded me and undressed me before leading me to the bedroom by tugging on my nipples. My favorite plug, which is a heavy stainless steel plug, was lubed and ruthlessly pushed into my ass. He then tied my wrists and feet so that I was restrained against the door with my backside exposed for his pleasure. There were bouts of barehanded spanking, paddling, flogging, and caning before moving onto the dragon’s tail. He absolutely loves this toy for the wonderfully attractive welts it creates. Unfortunately, I don’t love it. The sting is intense and there’s very little warning before you feel the pain. Once he started with this toy, I could hardly contain myself. I’m usually pretty quiet (I’m definitely not a screamer) during play, but the dragon’s tail makes me lose it every time. I’ve only cried a few times during play and it’s only been a few tears. He continued the strikes with the dragon’s tail until I had tears flowing from the bottom of my blindfold. The more I squirmed and sobbed, the more he seemed to enjoy it. Then, as suddenly as it started, the strikes stopped. I was then quickly rewarded for my suffering with an orgasm from my favorite toy, the Hitachi magic wand. And then came one of my favorite elements of play…aftercare 🙂 He removed my restraints while caressing the tender areas of my backside and softly kissing my cheek and forehead. I fully believe that I can withstand any type of pain if I know my Dom will provide me with appropriate aftercare.


I think it’s important to discuss submission and dominance since it is a large part of the lifestyle for me. Aspects of my personality are submissive all the time, even in my every day life. I am easy going and I typically avoid confrontation whenever possible, however, I am an independent woman and I know what I want. The submissive personality of a sub should never be confused with weakness.  I’ve read blogs of other subs who enjoy submitting to Dominant men during play, but the sub actually “wears the pants” in the every day function of their relationship. The dynamics of a relationship always vary and I think it’s interesting to see the large range of submission and dominance experienced by different subs.

I’ve found my submission varies depending on the situation and the Dom’s actions. The first two Doms I was with were not very dominant, so I wasn’t very submissive. I found ways to manipulate each one and I absolutely hated feeling like I was in control. My current Dom is a little different though. I haven’t found a way to manipulate him, which results in me being more submissive. Even when I wiggle around and cry about the pain, he encourages me to suffer for him before letting up. It’s pretty much wonderful.

There are certainly some days when submission does not come as easily. Long days at work or a stressful week of classes leaves me irritable and not in the mood to allow someone to control me. I try not to let my outside life affect playing, but it can be difficult to separate the two. Even when things seem to be going perfectly, sometimes I struggle with being as submissive as I would like. I’ve always fantasized of a relationship in which I could give a Dom complete and total control over my entire life. Just to try out my fantasy, I recently found a Dom (through a common BDSM personals site) who was into 24/7 total power exchange. We talked nearly every day for quite a few weeks, but it just didn’t work out. On my part, there was too much resistance to his control because I didn’t know him well enough to fully trust him. Unfortunately, I have some issues with trust and it often seems to get in the way of my submission. Especially with total power exchange, I wonder how a sub can be completely submissive without losing sight of herself as a person? Someday, with the right Dom, I would love to try it again.

I recently read an article written by an experience Dom who explained a woman’s submission to him as a gift. I hope every Dom truly appreciates his or her sub’s submission.